Squirrel Butts Galore

This squirrel butt may seem like the weirdest thing ever, but it looks like the perfect birthday present for B, who will be turning 13 26 in a couple weeks.

I found this genuine squirrel butt taxidermy (is taxidermied not a real word?) mounted on an oak panel on eBay and I hope no one else bids on it before the auction ends, because there is no way I am going to trap, kill, skin and stuff a squirrel butt on my own.

Here are our ideas of where to put this:

• Face level in front of the toilet, so you have something to contemplate while you poop.
• Over our door keyhole. Somehow we’d engineer a piece of lens into the butthole so we could peer out of it.
• On the fridge so I can use it as my new thinspiration. Trying not to throw up while reaching for more food should keep me from overeating.
• Above the TV. I don’t know why? But maybe?

Any other ideas?