I just wrapped up the second day of my last residency before I graduate. The feeling is odd, where I go from feeling relief to sadness to weirdness to absolutely nothing. Does that make me a sociopath? Except those people don’t feel anything.
Let’s be honest. The past two years have been the hardest I’ve gone through (note that I said this BEFORE having children or getting hit by a car) and my self-esteem has been on an endless roller coaster–the wooden kind that rattles and shakes your brain around while dropping you on the most terrifying falls. And yeah, there have been plenty of those. On top of that, there was that huge block of concrete squashing every kind of inspirational creativity inside my brain, the utter blankness that would invade my head, how the hands on the clock moved way faster than I thought possible and the feeling of being very, very alone.
But now I’m really happy. There’s something about seeing the finish line that really sets you free. I walk to the craft talks with light steps. I sit through the craft talks without the frantic notes. I wade through the lunch crowd. I still have to give my critical introduction and reading (BARF), and I still have to sit through my thesis review, but I know that by Wednesday afternoon, I am going to be okay. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade the past two years for anything.
Except for maybe a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and a maple bar donut.