Asians

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Look how big my nephew is getting! Sure, he’s almost exactly 1.5 years old now but still! Sometimes I wish he was still a fat little baby with fat little legs who can barely roll around. Now he’s more like a tall toddler with fat little legs who likes Elmo, balls and eating every 15 minutes. LOOK AT HIM. He’s ALMOST AN ADULT. It makes me want to hyperventilate.

Here’s the problem: he can’t say my name. Things he can say:

  • Mama
  • Dada
  • Yoyo (my mom)
  • Ball
  • Nana (bananas)
  • Cookie

Things he can’t say:

  • Moye

Don’t believe me? The proof is in the video.

PS. My new name is “Meh.”

OMG YOU GUYS. Forever 21 has partnered up with Sanrio to create an exclusive Hello Kitty apparel line? WHAT? OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. This is major problem.

For one thing, I haven’t bought anything from Forever 21 since like…two years ago. First it was a New Year’s Resolution because I realized that the majority (like 99) of the clothes I was donating to Goodwill was the crappy tops and cardigans that I had bought from F21. They were so cheap that they either shrunk, changed shape, or got holes that I didn’t even care about getting rid of them. And as someone who plans to have a massive wardrobe of beautiful, expensive clothes in the future, this wasn’t working.

After that year, I just stopped shopping at F21. I would walk around and look for stuff, but coming back to their clothes was yucky. Things were either too trendy, too slutty or just too stupid.

And you know what’s even worse? I’M JAPANESE. This means wearing anything Hello Kitty would just be overkill. I might as well wear a rice paddy hat and stop pronouncing my R’s correctly. No, it doesn’t help that I already have a giant Hello Kitty bag and a Hello Kitty iPhone cover. Topping the outfit off with a Hello Kitty cardigan and Hello Kitty blouse would just make the universe implode.

So how am I supposed to enjoy this collection NOW? Life is so hard.

24 Until 30

OMG YOU GUYS. In about 24 days, I’m turning 30 years old. THIRTY. The big 3-0. This is, as I like to remind everyone, a huge milestone for me.

For one thing, I never thought I’d reach 30. I don’t mean that in a way like I was going to die before 30 (omg please don’t let me die before October 15th otherwise this post is going to make me look stupid) but it was such a far away age that I thought would never come. I could handle 10 and 20 was fun but 30? No way.

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I’ve been staying in all weekend because my third homework packet is due on Monday morning and I also had to film my video response for 8Asians. We’re submitting a compilation for the “What’s Your Story?” video challenge from the White House Initiative on Asian Americans. What? Asians on video? Of course I’m going to be super fobby. Here is a screenshot.

I figured this blog needed a new post and I also figured this blog needed more of my face.

You’re welcome.

I showed this video to my sister so we could try it on Little Anko but her response was that I look like the baby on the left. I am so offended.


I’m afraid that if I got my “hands” on this toy, I’d just end up slapping and punching the other player. Which is why I TOTALLY NEED ONE RIGHT NOW.

Phew! I am ready to welcome May with open arms. It’s been a pretty hectic past couple of months, but my schedule has been slowing down and today marked another huge jump as I was on the Content in the Clouds panel for the C3 Conference at the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival. This year, I’ve been representing 8Asians for various talks and panels but this was the first time I was invited to share my “experiences” based on working at G4. It was interesting to listen to the discussion that wasn’t about blogging but about creating/distributing/marketing original content and I did learn a lot about taking that next step in creating your own work, as well as some innovative ways that other companies are approaching this whole business model. And all I did was talk about boobies. Don’t believe me? HERE’S PROOF. See? You can tell from the shape of my mouth that I am forming the “BOOOOB” sound. (Thanks, Joz!)

It was good sitting on the panel, though. The talk reaffirmed my belief that all good content is driven by a solid storyline: well all respond to a basic instinct to tell, write and listen to narrative (fiction or not) and we’re carrying on this tradition. The environment may have become a little more complicated but like survival of the fittest, where the strongest stories always survive. Or should. There’s a lot of drivel out there that people like to consume because they’re lazy (like me) so there’s still value in ensuring that you have an authentic voice, knowledge about what your intended audience wants and the energy to make sure it all comes out perfect. Also, boobs.

They say April showers bring May flowers, but in my case, April panels bring May…flannels? Wait, that doesn’t make sense.

OMG you guys. It’s like 1999 again, when I was barely 18 years old and all I wanted to do was move out of my parent’s house and live life all crazy and go to bars and smoke cigarettes…except all I did was spend most of my time online and trying to be all punk rock. I think I smoked a couple times secretly but it’s really pointless when you have no idea what you’re doing and you’re all alone and you have to wake up and go to school the next morning. L-A-M-E.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I’ve finally done something to my hair, aside from cutting my bangs all crooked. Of course, being almost 30 years old means that I’m a little too old to be doing crazy things like I used to in college but I thought a subtle bleached streak would be okay. My hair is the longest it’s ever been since elementary school and I’ve been enjoying my natural hair color for the past several years.

Now I’m feeling the quarter life crisis creeping up on me, so I’m trying to fend off any anxieties about aging uterusi, income tax brackets, mortgage loans and my entire future through these chunks of hair. How sad is that?

Let me tell you. Bleaching Asian hair requires quite a bit of hard work. I used a box of blonde bleach from the drugstore, which was covered in excessive warnings about NOT leaving the goop on your hair for over 60 minutes. I left this stuff on for at least two hours, and it still only came out to an orange-y blonde with no damage in sight (at least, not yet). Now I have to decide what color to go next. Just like old times!!!!11!!

Next up: bowl cut.

Usually angry comments make me want to throw my computer out the window but sometimes they just make me lol. Now I am going to go measure my penis. It’ll probably take a couple hours so I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

I think I just lost a friend.

ernie: yeah, totally. on the flip side, any one who hates sriracha clearly doesn’t deserve to live.
moye: i…..don’t really like sriracha..
ernie: …………………………

And if any of my other friends care, I THINK SRIRACHA IS DISGUSTING. It was nice knowing you.

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