Back to the Giant Baking. Since Lisa and I have officially run out of ideas (or HAD….wait until you see what we’ve got in store next *cue dramatic music*), we decided to continue with the theme of baking-things-inside-of-things. We weren’t pleased with how the Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies turned out, but what about a heart shaped cake baked inside a regular cake? OMG SO CUTE.

Yeah, that’s now how we felt about a third of the way through. We’re renaming this recipe was “stupid cake” because of the insane number of steps, the errors in the recipes we used (people, there’s a big difference between baking soda and baking powder so please don’t confuse the two), the number of times we actually had to touch the cakes (and I have this weird thing where I don’t really like to touch food unless it’s putting a donut in my mouth) and the fact that we had to put parts of this cake in the freezer a billion times.

Seriously. If your recipe calls for putting parts of the final product inside the freezer, it is not longer considered “baking.” It is called “freezing” and therefore, should be relegated to hobbies that involve like making popsicles, ice cream or storing dead bodies.

Okay, I’ll stop complaining. Let’s go.

These are all the ingredients that it took to make Stupid Cake. See, Stupid Cake really consists of two stupid cakes: one four layer white cake and one red velvet cake. That’s really like three cakes total. WTF. WHY DID WE DO THIS?

This is Lisa separating the eggs whites from the yolk. Duh. You can tell from the picture. I’m only posting this because I thought the photo came out really nice. And NO, that is not a box of cake mix next to her. That’s a box of cake flour, which is apparently different than regular flour, which apparently you need to bake stupid cakes.

This was honestly the whitest cake we’ve ever baked–and I don’t mean that it likes to watch old episodes of Friends, shop at the organic Farmer’s Market and whatever white people like to do (let me go ask B) but this batter was completely devoid of any sort of color. Weird.

So while the white cakes were baking, we whipped up a batch of red velvet cake–which apparently is even more complicated than baking a cake completely devoid of any color. We had to add buttermilk and weird stuff and eggs and red food coloring…Ugh. Stupid cake is already stupid at this point.

Oh, look. The white cakes are done. Look at them, silently judging you based on the color of your skin! (Just kidding. I know white people don’t always do that.)

Holy crap, look at how red that batter is! It totally matches my KitchenAid mixer. It’s almost as if I planned this matching outfits thing when I first got the mixer years ago for my birthday.

When you get red batter everywhere, Lisa is bound to do something morbid…like pretend to slice her finger open. Oh, Lisa.

This is a metal bowl that once held red velvet batter.

Look at the mess! Reason #45 of why this stupid cake is stupid!

So…anyway, here’s the red velvet cake. We just baked this in a regular ol’ 13 x 9 baking pan because we later had to crumble it up with some icing to create the “heart” center of the cake. I don’t remember if that was my dragon claw hand or Lisa’s. Either way, dragon claws are awesome.

Then, we sliced the white cakes in half to create the layers–after putting them in the freezer, of course. This made slicing really easy and the cake got all stiff, which is why Lisa is holding one piece in such a nonchalant way. Oh, Lisa.

This is me showing how my face is round as a cake.

After frosting the cakes back together, we carefully used our tools (a toothpick and some twine) to mark out the areas we were going to carve out for our heart shape.

This was really hard. This is the bottom of the heart.

This is the top part of the heart. Lisa did this one. That’s why it looks so messy. (OH SNAP!)

Then we took our crumbled red velvet cake and piled them into the cake holes. Or whatever you call them. Stupid holes. That’s it.

See, this is another reason why this recipe was dumb. All that baking and carving heart shapes means you’re left with a massive amount of unused cake. This is only half of the layers we carved out of the white cake that was going straight into the garbage (of course, we played around with it first). What a waste!

And look how much red velvet cake is left over! Stupid!

Then using the Force–because I’m a Jedi like that–we smashed the two cakes together and iced the outside. The recipe for frosting was even more stupid than the cake because it turned out really thin and gross. But whatever. By this time, Lisa and I had already been baking all day (including a walk and a lunch break around the neighborhood) and we were ready to be D-O-N-E.

Ta-da. More like wah-wah.

This is how pooped out we were. So what’s the big deal? Oh yeah, the stupid part.

Here’s what the cake looked like when we sliced it open. Look, it’s a red velvet heart cake inside a white cake! Yay for deformed hearts! Boo for stupid cake recipes.

NEVER AGAIN.

Lisa and I have a problem: we are out of giant things to bake. There are only so many times we can make giant cookie cakes and cupcakes, and there are only so many times we can fork over our hard earned cash to buy giant baking molds. So we thought we’d take a different approach by baking things-inside-of-things, kind of like this pumpkin pie in a cupcake–which sounds really labor intensive for a Saturday afternoon–so we decided to give this Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe a hand.

Let’s be honest: who doesn’t love Oreos and who doesn’t love chocolate chip cookies? I love both! However, I’m a little hesitant when it comes to eating them all together. It just sounds like way too much. But this isn’t about me; this is also about Lisa and this is also about baking things together, so off to the mixer we went!

We’ve become such expert bakers that we didn’t even go to the store to buy Oreos. We baked them ourselves!

Don’t believe us? Look, I even snapped a picture of Lisa pulling them out of the oven!

Okay, that’s a lie. But you almost believed us, didn’t you?

Here’s the almost final product: Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies are basically like Oreos sandwiched between two chocolate chip cookies. So basically, it’s like three cookies in one. Right? Right.

We put them in the oven because that’s what you do when you bake things.

Ta-daaa! Sorry for the craptastic picture but this is what they look like in the middle! Look at that Oreo! Look at that ginormous cookie! It took me about an hour to eat one because again, it’s like eating three cookies at once and my mouth couldn’t handle it.

Up next: heart cake baking adventure!

We baked a buttermilk pie over the weekend. That’s a lie. B did. I did nothing. I didn’t even make the pie crust. We weren’t sure how it was going to turn out, so we bought frozen pie crust instead. Pie gods, please don’t be too angry with me. This was a trial run. Next time, we’ll use nice crust. I mean, next next time since we have one more frozen crust to use because apparently they only sell them in pairs. How many times can I say crust in one blog post?

And yes, that is a VERY small slice of pie. I asked for a “little bit” which in my language means “not enormous” but apparently other people interpret that differently.

What happens when you visit your in-laws for a lovely week in Sonoma County and then they force you to slave away making Christmas yummies? Okay, that was a joke but with the holiday celebrations come the annual baking of sugar cookies and caramels. The latter happened the day we arrived, but somehow they turned out super sticky so Alicia and I got really tired of trying to cut, roll and wrap bite sized pieces in wax paper.

So we cheated and made one ginormous piece, which we hid at the bottom of the bowl. To be honest, this enormous piece also had pieces of foil stuck to it (that’s how sticky it was!) so it’s not like we were expecting anyone to actually eat it.

Homemade caramels are so delicious. Someone needs to invent a caramel flavored salt lick so I can slobber all over it every day. I’d have one for my desk and another in the car, and maybe one on the kitchen counter while I tried to cook.

It’s true! January 10th, 2011 is officially Donut Day, which marks the end of the year long bet to not eat a delicious donut for 365 days. That’s only four weeks away but the victory is so close that I can taste it (and it tastes like a yummy freshly fried maple bar). I’m already planning a celebration at my desk (since Donut Day falls on a Monday) where I’ll just sit and eat a dozen donuts (or at least until I throw up). I can’t wait. It will be glorious.

Why did I succumb to this stupid bet? One idea was for health reasons, but honestly, not being able to eat a donut meant just eating more slices of cheesecake and pie. I mean, come on. Having donuts in or out of my life had no affect on how much sugar I consumed every day. I heart sugar.

The other idea was to save money but who am I kidding? Donuts are like the cheapest (and most delicious) treats available. They’re like 50 cents, which is way cheaper than crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Seriously. Do the math.

Another idea was for the prize, which we decided earlier, would be a fun trip (which could even count as our real “honeymoon” since we never took one in the first place) but now that we have a mortgage, I think it’s better to shelf that plan.

So what was the point? I’m not sure. Penance for some unknown sin so I could suffer through the worst year of my life?* I mean, it was pretty ridiculous. I had to sit through a whole tasting menu at the one and only French Laundry without being able to order Thomas Keller’s famous coffee-and-donut trio, I couldn’t savor the freshly made glazed donuts if we went to Tom Colicchio’s Craft Restaurant and I wasn’t even about to sample Wolfgang Puck’s chocolate donut holes with peanut butter at the company holiday party last night. So basically, I’m an idiot. Thank you.

If you’d like to be invited to my donut celebrations, just shoot me an email and I’ll figure something out. Donuts for everyone!

*Worst in terms of being able to enjoy a donut.

Sometimes I come across videos online that I feel like sum up my life in some weird parallel universe way. For example, this weekend, I decided to bake a cheesecake for the very first time. We picked a pumpkin flavor with a graham cracker/gingersnap crust, wasted time trying to find a good springform pan (which I accidentally called a springboard pan…which is actually pretty cool. Maybe it launches your baked goods into the air after it cools?) and the whole time, I was telling B how much I loved Japanese cheesecakes (rare cheesecakes) because they are less sweet. Also, B set up his little squirrel collection today on our new bookshelves, which I was tempted to throw out. [Sidenote: Before I fell asleep, I learned that cream cheese was inadvertently invented when some American dairy guy tried to make French Neufchatel cheese, and that it's also known as farmer's cheese, which explains SO MUCH because we've been eating farmer's cheese from the GastroBus and never figured out what it was.] And what do I find today?

Some Japanese lady feeding her pet squirrel a rare cheesecake. WAT? I know. It’s like everything from this past weekend combined into a single video. Tomorrow, I hope to find a video about coffee tables, Triscuit crackers and baby sloths. Those are the things on my mind right now. Anyway.

As always, life gets a little crazy and hectic. The next thing Lisa and I know, it’s suddenly October and we haven’t baked yet! This time, we decided to create something seasonal and economical by using pureed pumpkins and ye old cookie cake pans. Back in July, we baked the amazing peanut butter and jelly cakewich but let’s be honest, we’re kind of running out of giant baking ideas and it’s not like we want to keep spending money on more baking molds.

So meet the Pumpkin Spice Cookie Cake Sandwich with Cream Cheese Icing!

We learned a lot from our last Giant Cookie Sandwich Cake experience: we Pam-ed the shit out of the pans, did our best to bang the bubbles out of the batter and voila…

They came out perfectly! Okay, there were still bubbles but not one piece fell off!

Then we made the icing, which consisted 1,000 oz of cream cheese, some maple syrup and a buttload of confectioners sugar. In fact, we ran out of sugar but we decided to “adjust” the rest of the ingredients accordingly (instead of making our way back down to the local Gelsons where we might run into that same crazy lady who kept asking us for our opinion about baking chocolate chip cookies for her friends for Halloween when we walked by there to pick up some flour does that make sense?). The icing turned our perfect but dude, if everyone saw how much crap went into delicious frosting, we would not have a nationwide obesity epidemic.

Look how beautiful this is.

Lisa took on the responsibility of smashing the two cookie halves together.

And…

BAM! She kept saying “Boo” instead of “cheese” to the camera. Because it was Halloween weekend. Get it?

I really need to start wearing more make-up when I hang out and bake.

Then we got carried away with some random pictures because Lisa was having trouble learning how to focus the camera, and then she got upset because she realized she had to scratch off “being a professional photographer” on her Potential Other Career Options list.

Henry got into the true Halloween spirit with his Devil Horn headdress (seen here worn as a bib) and a scary snarl.

Next month: GIANT YULE LOG!!!!!*

*If anyone has a recipe for a GIANT YULE LOG, please email me. Thanks.

So, Lisa and I haven’t had any Giant Baking Adventures lately, but it’s mostly her fault. I mean, I’ve been a little busy with various things in my life that I can’t really recall right now, but she’s such a social butterfly with so much going on that it’s hard to find a time or a place to bake. That’s all a lie. We’re kind of out of ideas of giant things to bake. We still have a giant cinnamon bun to bake, but having to wait for the dough to rise and all that makes things complicated.

But then I saw this PUMPKIN PIE IN A CUPCAKE and we were like, OMG WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS. Pie in a cupcake whaaaat? *brain explodes* Why not make a Giant Pumpkin Pie in a Cupcake, since we already have a giant cupcake pan AND my amazing culinary pie skills to begin with?

So let’s do this. How? I have no idea.

Let me tell you a funny story. One morning, I woke up from a horrible nightmare where B and I decided to bake a pie for our friends and their kiddies for a dinner party, but for some reason, we decided to bake it that night at their place. We didn’t bring any of the right utensils or ingredients, so the pie making was going nowhere. We even put egg in the dough, though I have no idea why. Meanwhile, our friends were patiently waiting for the pie to be ready while the food was getting cold and their kids were crying from hunger. It was really awful.

So I woke up, went to work and told my friend all about it, which led us to talk about how we should really bake a pie with their kids in real life to a) prove that dreams don’t come true and b) prove how fun baking a pie with awesome kids can be. And that’s exactly what we did.

Well, we baked a pie with one kid who is my favoritest four year old in the world because his little brother is still only a wee baby and though he can hold his head up, I doubt he’d be able to handle a rolling pin.

Since strawberries are still in season and my little pal doesn’t like blueberries, we decided to make a nice big strawberry pie.

First we washed them in the sink. Thank god for little steps because otherwise, I don’t know how he would have reached the top of the kitchen counter.

Those strawberries looked so juicy and delicious…

…That we couldn’t resist a bite!

Then it was time to make the dough. We’re waiting!

We cut up the butter (SO MUCH BUTTER!) into little pieces for the pie crust.

Look, someone’s already hungry for some pie.

Wait, what’s our other little friend doing? Oh, just enjoying the view and maybe possibly pooping in his pants.

Time to add the cups of flour.

More flour! I don’t remember what made me laugh so hard here, but I’m sure it was because of something really hilarious. Um…Does that sentence even make sense?

We had to move the party over to the counter to plug the processor in. Here we are adding the butter to the dry ingredients for some processin’.

After we mixed it up, I showed our buddy how to press the dough together into two balls, which we then stored in the freeze for some cold action.

With the pie dough in the freezer, it was time to cut up all the strawberries! There were so many strawberries. SO MANY STRAWBERRIES.

Then we added the sugar, salt and cinnamon to toss them all together into a goopy mess…

…That got all over his cool Wilco shirt. My bad.

Time to wash the hands again. Thanks, mommy.

Finally, the dough was ready to be rolled out!

Don’t forget the superhero punches!

We managed to roll it out enough for the pie pan so we could then add the piles and piles of strawberries.

SO MANY STRAWBERRIES!

Then I put the top crust on.

It was a little sloppy but we all agreed that it gave it a more “rustic” look. Who wants to look perfect all the time, anyway?

Then we brushed on some milk to brown the crust at the top and popped it into the oven.

Let’s check out our other special friend. Look at those eyes. LOOK AT THOSE EYES. AND CHEEKS. AND NOSE.

Voila! Strawberry pie for the masses! Mmmm…It was probably the best pie I ever had, made by a four year old. All that butter was totally worth it, too.

I can’t wait until this boy is old enough so we can make TWO pies.

So this may look like a normal peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but it’s not. Lisa and I swear. We met up this past weekend to finally bake the amazing Cakewich, which was really just a cake mold shaped like a slice of bread. Armed with my new How To Cook Everything iPhone App and some almond extract, we somehow managed to mix together Mark Bittman’s Golden Layer Cake recipe to slap together this amazing creation.

My camera ran out of batteries during the first part of the process, so I didn’t get any snazzy photos of Lisa’s amazing cake batter skills, and then we had a little emergency when we realized we didn’t have any powdered sugar for the peanut butter frosting. Plus, this cake took twice as long to bake than we expected.

And then I had to pick up B from LAX while Lisa had a date at Dodger Stadium, so we decided to let the cake cool for 24 hours and meet up the next day to finish the Cakewich. Did you follow all of that? I thought so.

So anyways, last night at Chez Lisa, we rolled up our sleeves and got to work. First, we sliced off the top mound because sandwiches don’t have mounds on them and we had to make our cake resemble a slice of bread as much as possible. Lisa got excited about the excess cake and decided to take a bite.

Then I sliced the cake in half to complete the sandwich. This is me carefully sawing my way through a Golden Layer cake. Wait…hold up.

I’ve never really looked at the top of my head before. Is that my hair part or AM I BALDING? OMG I’M BALDING. Now I have to invest in that weird scalp powder thing that covers up bald spots. Waaah.

We recruited Lisa’s roommate, Bobbie, as our new G.B.A. member (Giant Baking Adventure) since she was so cute and took over the camera.

I got the two “slices of bread” ready for some frosting.

Lisa warmed up the jelly or jam or preserves or whatever it was.

Commence frosting. Can I just gush about how amazing this peanut butter frosting was? It only consisted of butter, peanut butter and powdered sugar which together tasted like heaven.

This part was a little uneventful. To be honest, it was actually a little disappointing. Lisa and I realized that frosting this cake was really just like…making a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Surprising, I know.

But hey, it was still giant!! Here we go!

BAM! Then we realized that it really did just look like a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This was kind of a letdown.

So Lisa made a regular sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a comparison with the cake so we could show everyone that yes, we DID MAKE A GIANT SANDWICH CAKE.

So there. See? Now you believe us?

YAY! [Please disregard my greasy face. Also, isn't Lisa the most photogenic person ever? Yes, I know.]

Then we decided to see if Henry (Lisa’s cat) would like a nibble. He did not.

So now it was time for each of us to pose with the sandwich cake, as if we were eating a regular sandwich.

That’s one big sandwich slice!!!!!

The end.