It’s not news that if Hell existed, I’d be in the long line in front of the entrance but it is news that I’ll probably be having the time of my life because I’ll be hanging out with good friends. For example, today we looked at all the extravagant Miss Universe pageant costumes that represented each girl’s home country.

moye: lol the haiti one
ernie: right? it might as well be
ernie: her left side of the her skirt says EARTH
ernie: and the right side says QUAKE
ernie: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
ernie: i am going to hell
ernie: hahahahhsf;lkajsf;ljkasf;ljk
moye: HAHAHAHAHA
moye: “NO” and “FRESH WATER”
ernie: [donates to the red cross out of guilt]

Or how about “TEXT HAITI” on the left and “TO 90999 & DONATE $10″ on the right while the back says “STANDARD TEXT MESSAGING RATES APPLY.”

Apparently Miss Haiti is a young lawyer who can speak four languages and is competing in the pageant to save her earthquake devastated country. Meanwhile, I’m complaining that the 85 degree weather outside is just too much. I am a horrible person.

Alright, I’m hopping on the Inception bandwagon after seeing the film this weekend but at least I know it’s more than just a bandwagon and more like the we’re-right-and-you’re-an-idiot-if-you-don’t-like-this-movie-wagon. It reminded me of a good book, where all the different angles worked seamlessly together so you were engrossed in the storytelling on all levels. I’m super conscious of the writing, description styles, setting and dialogue in a book: if one aspect is off, then the whole book falls apart for me. On the other hand, if these all come together, I can turn pages without realizing that I’m actually reading something: instead, the story plays out in my head as if I’ve been completely absorbed into it.

The same works for this movie: script, plot, acting, dialogue, set, costumes and special effects. Also, anyone who thinks Avatar is a better movie gets punched in the nuts.

I always enjoy daydreaming about movies, imagining how characters and story lines would adapt if I had been there. Would I be as cool, calm and collected as the characters? How would I react in the same setting? What if Leonardo DiCaprio was hired to visit me in my dreams? Would the result be just as mind-blowing and fantastic?

That’s what I realized that my version of Inception would be the complete opposite. My dreams are pretty lame, whether they consist of either me being back in high school and panicking over getting to the right class in time, being back in college and panicking over moving out of the dorm rooms in time, or being in a mall and panicking that I can’t find a bathroom. I’m not even kidding.

Can you imagine a thriller movie based on one of these?

FADE IN:

EXT – OUTDOOR LOCATION

COBB and ARIADNE are sitting outside a cafe in Paris. Two half empty cups of cafe au lait sit on the wicker table between them.

COBB

We create the world of a dream. We bring a subject into that dream and they fill it with their secrets.

ARIADNE

Then you break in and steal it?

COBB

Well, it’s not strictly speaking legal.

We see the shocked but intrigued look on Ariadne’s face as we fade out.

FORGHORN NOISE

FADE IN:

INT – WAREHOUSE LOCATION

COBB, EAMES, and ARIADNE are hooking themselves up to the elaborate PASIV Device that allows them to enter the dreams of their drugged subject, MOYE, who is snoring in a lounge chair between them.

ARTHUR enters.

ARTHUR

Why are we doing this? Why her?

The three glance up at him but never stop moving around the room.

COBB

Because I think I found a way home. And with this girl, that’s how I get there. Her husband is offering me everything so he can win this bet. All we have to do is make her eat a donut on her own accord before the year is over.

ARTHUR

You’re planting an idea into her head? You’re talking about inception. I hope you do understand the gravity of that request.

They settle into their chairs, ready to fall asleep.

COBB

The seed that we plant in this girl’s mind may change everything.

FOGHORN NOISE

EXT – LOS ANGELES PRIVATE SCHOOL LOCATION

COBB, ARIADNE and ARTHUR open their eyes and find themselves on the campus of a prestigious high school in Hancock Park. Girls in short khaki skirts and crisp white polo shirts lounge around with Kate Spade handbags and Dooney & Burke leather organizers. Somewhere, the bell rings.

COBB looks completely confused.

COBB

What the…what kind of dream is this? Are we in a high school?!

ARIADNE

You asked me to design a dream that our client would understand.

ARTHUR

She’s right. I discovered that despite being 28 years old, our target still suffers from anxiety stemming from six years of a single sex education among spoiled, upper-class Los Angeles girls. We figured that this setting would be most comfortable for Moye in her dream state…

COBB

Wait, seriously?

ARTHUR

Seriously.

COBB

Seriously?

ARTHUR

Seriously. Also, we’ll most likely find Moye running around butt naked, trying to find her class schedule. That’s…also something else she always dreams about.

COBB

Worst target ever.

FOGHORN NOISE

The highlight of today was watching the live stream of Lindsay Lohan’s sentencing for all the crap she brought upon herself (DUI accident, SCRAM bracelet, not attending her alcohol education classes, breathing) because unlike having to wait until TMZ to report on whatever happened, we were able to watch it all unfold…

…Like her indignant looks in response to the prosecutor, her teary speech to the judge about how she was so sorry for her actions, her hoarse gasp when the judge gave her the sentence and…her intense scribblings on a piece of paper?

Wait, what’s she writing about? Why is she writing something? Shouldn’t she be listening intently to what’s going around her? THE JUDGE IS DECIDING HER FUTURE (for the next 90 days) AND SHE’S  DOODLING?

There’s been some speculation (inside my head) about what Lindsay is writing. It has to be something juvenile, because I haven’t written sideways from a corner of the page since grade school when signing someone’s yearbook in a creative style was “cool.” Here’s what I came up with:

• Dark, brooding poetry about her unfair celebrity life.
• Things she wants to do as soon as she gets out of court (i.e. drink, party, fly to Cannes).
• A love letter to ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson.
• The pros and cons of dying her hair black again.
• An open letter for younger sister Ali on the dangers of alcohol/drug abuse.
• TV movie pitch on her experiences in the courtroom.
• All the stuff she’d be tweeting about if she could.
• What Would Hilary Duff Do?
• Ugly designs for her line of leggings.

Am I missing one?

For some reason, everyone is super stoked about Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Inception. I think it looks interesting, Joseph Gordon Levitt is really cute and the score they use in trailer should be my new ringtone. On the other hand, I still don’t really understand what it’s about and it looks like they float around in rooms a lot or something.

So yeah. This is probably the best movie trailer mash-up video I’ve ever seen. I’ve got nothing else.

Tuesday nights are a mess for me. Not only is both Lost and Glee on, but now The Hills have started back up again and yes, I am admitting that I am back as an avid viewer. I know, this makes me hate myself. It’s one thing to set goals for yourself and fail to accomplish them, but it’s a whole ‘nother realm when you set a goal for yourself, accomplish it with such pride and then succumb back to the temptations of vapid Hollywood 20-somethings.

And honestly, it was the first 5 minutes of the last night’s episode that did it for me. I’m over Kristin Cavallari’s weird Valley girl accent, but watching Lo try to explain to Stephanie Pratt about what exactly Heidi did to her face was enough to seal the deal for me. It was like the producers were sending us a message: THIS IS IT, FOLKS. Can these characters get any more ridiculous? Yes. Heidi has completely plasticized her face and we’re going to prolong her discomfort as much as possible by refusing to reveal her face until the last moment, and then make her eat a hamburger. Amazing!

Apologies to B for picking up this dirty habit again, but I promise that this is the final season and after this, I will be able to move on with my life…to Pretty Wild. Am I the only one that watches this trainwreck?

I’m like THISCLOSE to tuning in for the final season of The Hills. The show feels like an old friend to me, one who provided so much fun, so many quotes (HE IS A SUCKY PERSON!), so many office discussions and so many internal debates on whether or not I should be thinner/dress better/etc.

Oh, Lauren. You made a smart move to leave the show but I’m hoping you make one final return to say goodbye. Also, I don’t know what’s scarier: Heidi trying to smile at her mom or Heidi trying to cry. Her poor face.

It’s pretty obvious that I have a “thing” for Zach Galifianakis. It’s definitely not his beard, because I thought he was adorable on his old VH1 show, and maybe it’s the constant blazer + t-shirt outfit that somehow doesn’t look douchey, or maybe it’s just the piano? This crush developed way before The Hangover came out. Maybe it was his joke about Moons over My Hammy. Let’s not discuss his episode of Saturday Night Live. I’m going to pretend like that never happened.

But today, I figured out my connection to him after catching an interview where he stated the following:

If “The Hangover” hadn’t happened, what would you be doing now?

I was making a living doing stand up, but I wouldn’t have done it for much longer. I bought a farm and was trying to figure out how to be a farmer. I was just gonna grow food, shoot squirrels and live off my land. I’m still trying to figure out how to do that.

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS WANTS TO SHOOT SQUIRRELS. This is why we’re soul mates.

One of the highlights of our weekend away was finally going on Chatroulette with Carmen because the boys were busy watching soccer news or something and I wanted to see what the fuss was about. I can see how the site can be addicting, especially for those who like to show their weenies and boobies online to strangers. Okay, not saying I am one of those and we totally freaked out when we saw a penis flash on the screen, but it was really exciting to talk to random strangers all over the world. We befriended two Russian soccer players who were nice enough to bring in a handful of snow after we told them how hard it was raining in California, and this guy from Toronto who showed us his stuffed octopus. That sounds dirty. It wasn’t. Long story.

But now I wish I had stayed on long enough to get this guy, who everyone at work is saying it’s really Ben Folds but I have my doubts because last time I saw Ben Folds, he was super old and wrinkly. That could explain the hoodie, right? I don’t know. I kind of don’t care.

All I care about are pianos and boys singing over them.

I was wondering when someone was finally going to upload the McG directed music video of Kirsten Dunst dressed in cosplay for some Murakami art exhibit in London. Well, here you go.

My childhood is slowly dying. I was able to cope with Michelle Trachtenberg in the 1996 version of Harriet the Spy because the movie essentially stayed close to the book’s plot, but Disney’s 21st century version is just wrong.

Harriet is now a blogger who spies on her classmates for a school assignment? Wait, she has to blog for school? WAIT, her school has a blog and her teachers ask her when she’s going to write a post? What the?! Please say there’s a cameo with Perez Hilton.

Way to ruin blogging, Disney. I’m gonna go write out my frustrations with a feather quill  in my paper journal now.