apple

I have many problems, but one of the most annoying ones is my habit of giving inanimate objects personalities and feelings. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember, whether it’s talking to my stuffed animals to pick which ones I’d sleep with that night so I wouldn’t hurt any of their furry feelings or being afraid that one day I’d be reincarnated as a soda can. Okay, that last part doesn’t make any sense but when I was small, I believed soda cans were still “people” and that one day, if reincarnation existed, I could be born as one and my life would suck. I was scared I’d wake up one day as that…or a dirty pigeon.

Anyway, this is why I still–at the age of 28–maintain my stuffed animal collection. Because I don’t want to hurt any of their feelings by throwing them away. This is why I keep old shoes. Because I want them to know I still appreciate them.  This is why I keep my old CDs of really bad music from high school: so they know I still like them. I don’t like hurting anyone’s anything’s feelings. I like to wear my favorite clothes on an even schedule, so one muumuu doesn’t feel neglected over another. (Okay, they’re not really muumuus but wearing dresses makes me feel less fat than wearing jeans.)

That’s why I’m having a hard time letting go of my 3G iPhone since the upgrade. I’ve had a good long 2 years with it: it never gave me any problems, it always tried its hardest to keep my phone calls going despite the crappy AT&T coverage and it knew I was super sorry every time I dropped it down the stairs. I didn’t even get a chance to give it a proper goodbye before the super awesome new iPhone 4 came in. I did give the 3G a big hug, but next thing I knew, my computer was synced up, the SIM card was activated and my new phone was ready to go. Just like that, my time with the 3G was over.

So here is my proper farewell. Goodbye, 3G. It’s been swell. Thanks for the hours of entertainment and the numerous opportunities of making me look busy when I really wasn’t and just wanted to avoid talking to certain people, or look lame because I was standing alone, being stood up by flakes or late friends. No, that didn’t happen that much but it did once or twice, so thank you. Also, thank you for providing me with much amusement during bad TV episodes or weird foreign films that B liked to watch. Thank you for making me look popular when I’m really not in real life. Thank you for always picking the right songs to play when I’m crying on the elliptical at the gym. Thank you for all those Google Map directions.

Then again, maybe this isn’t goodbye? I did sync the new phone with the 3G, meaning that everything was transferred over (to the point that looking at my new phone looked…exactly the same as the old one). So perhaps this is my phone’s version of reincarnation. Maybe it’s still with me, just in a different (and better) soda can body. In that case, welcome back, buddy. I missed you in those 10 minutes it took to activate your new home. But you’re back and hotter than ever. Let’s go!