I love how it looks like they filmed this in someone’s backyard in Torrance or Gardena. Thanks to Joz for the heads up.
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Okay, so what happens when some of the vigilante bloggers from 8Asians.com gets together for a full night of Asian-celebration (sorry, I meant, Kollaboration) and one of them (*ahem*) brings along her tall, geeky white fiance???
YEAAAHHHHH! Take that, bitter Asian guys who hate all the white men who take their women. We can have all the lengthy online discourse you want, but at the end of the night, we’re all going home to THIS.
(Actually, that would just be me. I hope. Please?)
I feel sorry for the Asian dude next to her. He probably can’t see what she’s doing…
Because his eyes are too small.
ZING!
I couldn’t resist.
(From here.)
Tags: asian, chinaman, miley cyrus, racist
Um…yeah. Reading Post Secret is like reading a really bad book. Everyone tries to be all deep, controversial and emotional, like they’re all ready to slit their wrists when all they want to do is talk about themselves. ZZzzz. I kind of want to write up a bunch of fake ones and mail them in.
But yeah, like this one? I don’t know about you, but porn sounds pretty much the same in all different languages. There’s only one way to groan and grunt. Sure, Japanese girls sounds like they’re in a lot of pain but that’s part of the appeal (or so they tell me) but nonetheless, it’s a helluva lot different than someone talking about god.
AMIRIGHT?
PS. And it’s probably not really a sermon. They’re actually talking about you. Don’t you know that’s what people always talk about when they’re speaking a different language?
PPS. Speaking of porn, B was telling me about this funny blog called Boner Party and I tried to look it up in the car. Apparently it’s not bonerparty.com but a Tumblr site. So I almost opened up the gay porn site on my iPhone until I re-read the warning that used words like “anal” and “penetration.” Close one, eh? But at least I know that porn works on my phone. Who needs those iPhone apps when you’ve got this?!
PPPS. This conversation let to another blog idea, which I was going to give a really nasty name but since I like to keep things classy around here, I won’t say what it is. Can you guess?
Tags: anime, asian, chinese, porn, postcards, postsecret, sermon
This specific post is about 8 days too late. My excuse? Life just keeps up with the craziness, even after you kinda-sorta finish up one big project.
Like, I would have totally written this if I had time last Saturday, but instead I had to get back to the gallery and clean up all the empty plastic cups from the night before (free drinks, yay!). Then I had to hurry up and practice for the Rock Band Charity Tournament, both alone, then with Morg (our vocalist), and then with Steve (our lead guitarist) before heading down to Chinatown to totally kick nerd ass. Why Rock Band Charity Tournament? I have no idea. It definitely wasn’t for the charity but it was one of those things that we all talk about doing as a joke and then Steve was like, wtf, let’s just do this anyway (or something like that).
We came in third place, but I like to think we came in FIRST because what the hell, people, we were the ONL BAND to make it to the final finals with a hardworking singer. Not singing in RB counts as cheating, because everyone and their grandmas can play the friggin instruments.
Anyway, then I had to go back to work and be slaves, 8:45am-7:00pm, Mon-Fri and then sleep in between, and then some other stuff, so FINALLY today I can write this post.
Here’s the thing, though. I parked on the street outside and I only had like a dollar in change, so I technically only have 15 minutes to write this up. I’ll be really fast, I promise, cause I do NOT want a parking ticket. That would like ruin my life FOREVER.
So THANK YOU to all the friends and artists and co-workers (who are friends anyway) and strangers off the street that we managed to steal $5 from who came to the CRAZIANS! opening night! I like to think it was a success, if a little busy and intimidating and I didn’t get to talk or meet everything that I wanted to, but that’s okay, right? Anyway, I’m so glad people came and I hope everyone had a blast.
If you missed out, then you’re dead to me. Just kidding. Please come check out the show, as it runs until August 8th and then all the art will be taken down forever. Or let me know if you want to check it out with MEEE cause I’ve got secret keys to the gallery and can open it up whenever I want. Cause I’m cool like that.
Oh shit, I think my 15 minutes are almost up but a bunch of people just wandered into the gallery.
Tags: art, asian, crazians, gallery, world of wonder
Get it? STD? Save The Date?
Listen, folks. If you know me, then you better fucking show up at this opening in a couple weeks. Or I’ll go all “crazian” on your ass…which obviously means I will accidentally brush your shoulder, then bow and apologize profusely for encroaching upon your personal territory, then disembowl myself to save the family honor with a samurai sword while wearing a schoolgirl uniform. Or something like that.
I don’t think I’m going to have any of my own art in it. The whole vajayjay thing is a bit tired, don’t you think?
Tags: art show, asian, crazians, gallery, world of wonder
Yeah, what’s going on??? Whoa, this wordpress interface looks different.
NOTHING IS GOING ON. Aside from work but I don’t want to talk about that.
Wait, one thing is going on. I’m guest-curating an art show at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery for this coming July (yes, the one with the Britney vagina painting), and of course, the theme has to do with Asian people. Apparently I am the only Asian person they know, so I’m perfect for the job.
For reals, though, I’m really excited about the opportunity because for one thing, I know NOTHING about art except that I know that I like it when I see it. I also hate museums, so any time you can see art out in the open or maybe in the space of what used to be a sex shop along Hollywood Blvd, I like. Also, there’s an unbelievable crowd of talent out there in the Asian American community, which doesn’t surprise me because if there’s one good thing we are good at (besides math and Hello Kitty), it is art.
I think I’m jinxing myself by writing about this on here, because now I’m not going to get any artists to participate.
But I did trick one person, Dave Chung, to submit his art and I am SO EXCITED. PANDA BEARS AND TOILET PAPER YEAH.
So keep July 2008 open for this show. No, really. I mean it. The whole month.
Tags: art, asian, dave chung, world of wonder
Found this from Japundit: Dried squid (or cuttlefish) can be shaped into sake bottles and served accordingly (while also flavoring the drink).
When you pour warm sake into an Ika Tokkuri, the taste of squid melts into the sake, giving it a mild taste.
After you down the sake, you can even eat the squid container itself.
Pretty awesome. There are very few things I love to snack on more than dried squid. I think I’d even eat this with plain water, or just by itself. Mmmmmmblaarrgghdroool.
I forwarded my mommy the article about the poisoned gyoza from China that turned a bunch of Japanese people ill, and her response was:
always your mom makes home-made gyoza. but you are not home made, i bought you in China.
Ha ha ha.
Meeting Angela Bismarchi. She is a Brazilian model who is currently on the way to winning the Guinness World Record of having the most plastic surgery.
Her next surgery will coincide with Brazil’s Carnival, where she plans to “have nylon wires implanted in her eyes to give them an Asian slant, in line with this year’s theme of her samba group, Porto da Pedra: the centennial of Japanese immigration to Brazil.”
Three words: WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Even better is the photo caption:
Angela Bismarchi, 36, smiles at a medical clinic in Niteroi, Brazil, as her surgeon, not pictured, explains her how nylon wires will be implanted to give her eyes an oriental slant.
First off, stop using “oriental.” And if I hear one more person say, “But I never knew it was offensive!” then I will punch you in the face.
Secondly, all the nylon wires and eye surgeries in the world will never make you look Asian. If you want to look Asian, then work on your SAT scores, get into a good Ivy League college and pay respect to your elders. Maybe drive a souped up Honda Civic with a giant spoiler, or wear massive fake eyelashes and cheap clothes from Koreatown when you go clubbing. Or just mess up your teeth. Hahaha, just kidding. I said Asian, not Japanese.
(OOHHH I JUST DISSED MY OWN CULTURE.)
Fer reals, though. Stuff like this doesn’t piss me off. It’s just annoying. It’s awesome that Brazil is celebrating Japanese immigration and more people need to acknowledge the Asian Diaspora (capitalized because this was like the most important word thrown around in my classes at Brown).
I hope the nylon wires pop out of this lady’s head and she ends up looking like Jocelyn Wildenstein. At least Jocelyn had the balls to say she wanted to look feline, not “oriental.”
Tags: angela bismarchi, asian, oriental, racist
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