Listen, Dolce. I’m (not really) sorry to hear you’re closing. You’ve had a good run. I never ate at your place, mostly because the name “Ashton Kutcher” makes me lose my appetite, but you had plenty of cameos on MTV and whatnot. So it’s been good.

But at least get someone to spellcheck your promotional emails before they get sent out to the masses. Also, how did I get on your email list? I only ate at Bella Cucina once. (Remember? Ashlee Simpson’s ex boyfriend was there!)