Something must be wrong with me. Maybe I’m getting old. Like old. I’m going to be almost 30. I thought everything was cool being 28 but then this happened. THIS HAPPENED. I need to tone down on the italics.

But there I was, sitting in a cafe along with an iced coffee, enjoying my book of short stories when BOOM. I drooled. I DROOLED. I know, right? What? Only babies and old people drool. Well, I drool in my sleep but that’s because I’m sleeping. Babies and old people drool when they’re awake.

And that’s what happened to me.

Here’s the thing. My drool was so unbelievably powerful that it ruined my book! I can’t read that paragraph anymore! I have no idea what Eric leaned his face ag–what? Huh? Oh no.

I should just go kill myself now.

Someone give me ONE reason why I shouldn’t spend $1250 on this gorgeous bag.

Okay, you’re right. It doesn’t have a long shoulder strap, which I really would like.

Give me one more reason. Yeah, I guess so. White leather always gets so dirty so easily.

Fine. Give me five solidly good reasons why I shouldn’t. FIVE.

Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my keyboard.