Let me say straight up that I rarely read autobiographies–or non-fiction. Maybe it’s because reading is a form of escapism for me and frankly, I find reading journalistic books (whoa, is that even a word? I can hear my Brown education being flushed down the toilet.) to be really dull, unless it sounds like a story and I feel like I’m learning something.
Like, I really enjoyed The Lost Painting because it was written so simply and described the journey of art historians trying to uncover an old mystery. See, THAT’S interesting. I just wish there were more dragons and magic in it.
I think autobiographies are the worst. How much of it is actually true and how much of it is just marketing/propaganda? Most of all, how much do I care about your life? Probably zero. Please go back to writing about dragons and magic. Then I’ll gladly take in whatever you have to say.
But then I realized there ARE some life stories that I can’t wait to hear about. You know, stuff that paparazzi photos and MTV reality shows can’t explain. Stuff that not even James Lipton, Oprah or Barbara Walters can dig out of you. Just stuff that you know is probably super messed up because of who they are.
So here are the people whose autobiographies I can’t wait to read:
- Sean Preston and Jayden James Spears-Federline – I Came Out Of Britney’s Vagina.
- Suri Cruise – Tomkitten
- Paris and Prince Jackson – Unmasked: Growing Up With Michael Jackson As Our Father And How It Totally Fucked Us Up.
- David Banda Ritchie – Like A Virgin’s Son: Growing Up With Madonna or From Malawi To Kabbalah.
- Harvey Daniel Price – The Miracle Worker or From The Son Of A MILF or I Came Out Of Katie Price’s Vagina or This Is What Happens When Your Mother Drinks During Pregnancy
Alright, so all of these are celebrity babies. I don’t care. Their parents are crazy (except for Katie Price–she’s a beautiful career woman) and they have GOT to be messed up in some way.