i suck

You are currently browsing articles tagged i suck.

Words with People Who Are No Longer My Friends

February 12, 2010 in Thoughts by Moye | 3 comments

Okay, I’m kidding about that last part. You guys are all my friends. I just totally suck at Scrabble-esque games like Words with Friends and I have never, ever, ever won a single game. I currently have 8 games going on, and I’m losing all of them by at least 100 points. It’s ridiculous. How is this possible?

I read a lot, I know lots of words and I think I did pretty well on the verbal portion of my SATs. I wrote over 15 pages of crap for my senior thesis. I GRADUATED FROM A UNIVERSITY.  So how come I totally blow at this game? ARGGGGH.

The only thing that’s keeping me from throwing my phone across the room during the game is knowing that I still totally rule with the quick math tests on Brain Age. Take that, nerds! You may consider “QI” a word, but at least I can add, subtract and multiply better!

So there. Is English not your first language? Are you under the age of 10? Are you mildly retarded yet you somehow have an iPhone? Are you missing fingers? LET’S PLAY. My self-esteem needs it. Badly. Otherwise, I might eat a tub of ice cream alone on Valentine’s Day.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, I worked really hard on this post. And by “post,” I really mean all those blinged out gifs.

Tags: , , ,

This is just to boost my self-esteem.

January 31, 2008 in Thoughts by Moye | No comments

Another Thursday, another day home by 8:00pm.

So I recently (a.k.a. today) stumbled across a former classmate’s blog and basically stalked the site (a.k.a. read the entries) until I could retrieve any possible sort of useful, gossipy information from it…which only took about 10 minutes, because this person really only likes to focus on talking about really boring things and then (to me) brag about all the important things s/he’s been doing, which honestly, focus on really boring things to do.

At first, I was really annoyed, because this person’s site just made me realize how little I’ve accomplished, how little I’ve put my 4-year college education to use, and how lame it was that I kinda spent the morning reading about Britney’s hospitalization at UCLA instead of focusing on tonight’s debates, reading about the violence in Kenya and furthering all 16 of my potential careers (TV, writing, cheese-making, and so forth).

I mean, look at me (this site). I couldn’t even write up full entries today. I just put up a stupid YouTube video about someone playing Rock Band on Easy (hahaha, it still cracks me up), while this former classmate is talking about PUBLISHING ARTICLES.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!??? WHY AM I FAILING?

It’s like every time Andy sends me links to Annie Choi, an Asian American writer/blogger who apparently cracks him up because I hate reading that site because it just reminds me that a) someone is funnier than me and she’s also an Asian girl and b) she’s already written a book WTF WHY CAN’T I?

But then, slowly, I realized…it’s okay. I don’t even know who this Annie girl is, but at least I have a unique name so when you search me on Facebook or msypace, only MY profile comes up.

And hey, I’m interesting. I have a wide variety of interests that aren’t limited to pretentious music tastes or boring news articles. It’s okay to laugh at a lame YouTube video or especially that Lemur one below with the THX soundtrack (HAHAHA Lemurs are the new squirrels.) and it’s okay to focus on the superficial things like, telling your co-worker what tea-bagging REALLY means when someone says their girlfriend doesn’t like it, and they’re not talking about making a hot drink.

I may not really know what’s going on in the important world, but I know that I could tell you if you gave me 2 seconds to google it. And I read, and I like good music, and I can make a killer 3-bean veggie chili, I read a shit load of books, and I have nice hair. I may not have the smarts and you won’t see me written up in BAM anytime soon, but goddammit, I can make some solid good conversation.

Right? Right. I still rule.

Tags: , , ,

Holy Photoshop, Batman

January 8, 2008 in Asians, Thoughts by Moye | No comments

If there’s one thing I admire, it’s girls who play video games.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

I admire girls who play video games just as well as I do.

But if you’re better than me (which probably accounts for like 85% of all female gamers, including 9 years olds with their pink DS Lites), then I hate you and get all bitchy. Like, whatever, you’re probably fat and pimply and lack complete social skills. And guys only like you cause they might actually have a chance with you, unlike ME. *flips blonde hair over shoulder* Whatevs, bitches. (And then I go back to my horrible life that consists of being slaves to full grown adults who need help when it comes to picking up their Starbucks coffee or papers from the printer. Let’s see who the loser is now, nerds.)

Anyway, I’ve been stalking “TipperQueen,” who apparently is the reigning Guitar Hero champion and recently got to play onstage with Slash. (Sidenote: appearing on stage with a rock legend = cool, unless you’re holding a lame plastic guitar controller in your arms, while he plays the real instrument). Still, pretty cool. Like her website, where she states:

Many people assume I can’t really play the games I’m into because I’m a girl, but it’s those people holding back tears when I end up on top.

Hahaha. I wish I was a guy, cause I’d say something like, “yeah, on top OF MY PENIS.” Anyway, that was uncalled for. And I am not a guy. Plus, I agree. Many people assume I can’t really play the games I’m into because I’m a girl. The thing is that they’re right. I totally suck. Seriously, it’s these two things called “my ovaries” that are keeping me back from achieving real gamer status.

Anyway, being the superficial person that I am, my only question to this girl is: what is up with the photoshopping of the eyeliner, lady? You’re not fooling anyone. I swear to god, someone or this girl has digitally added some awkward black eyeliner onto almost every single photo on her site.

And if you don’t believe me, look at this. And this. Or this.

If you’re going to flaunt your femininity with your video game celebrity status………slowly drop the eyeliner pencil (or in this case, the mouse) and flaunt your natural features. C’mon now. You’re a pretty girl. You can do it.

Tags: , , ,