This past weekend, I drove down to visit Little Anko and his parents where we basically just watched him poop in his pants, gaze adoringly at his plastic mobile, eat donuts and watch television. It was awesome. The lazy days were also a perfect opportunity to bring out the crafting spirit, especially after reading about how to make your own glitter flats on We Are Not Martha. Seeing as how much I love things that sparkle (*ahem* B, Valentine’s Day is coming up very very soon) and how much I hate wearing heels, I thought I could take on this project pretty easily.

First, we drove around town to pick up two pairs of black flats and our crafting supplies of Modge Podge, sealer and glitter. I was sad that I couldn’t find any flats at Target but Payless was around the corner, and these shoes were nicely made out of fabric. (I was worried that the glue wouldn’t stick as well to pleather.) They cost $25 which I justified since the pair I really, really wanted were $475. Quite a deal, right? BTW, driving around town with a 7 week old baby is pretty adventurous. Did you know that babies freak out every time you stop at a red light? Sheesh.

The instructions were easy enough. First, my sister sent me outside because she didn’t want to get glitter all over her house (understandably) and all I had to do was mix a buttload of glitter with a glob of Modge Podge.

Then I used a sponge brush to dab it on. Note to my future self: Use twice the buttload of glitter for the first layer the next time you do this project. And also, yuck at the picture of myself.

Then I left them out to dry for like 30 minutes while I went inside to see how much Anko pooped again and also to watch TV.

Then I went back outside to dab on another layer.

Then I went back inside to play with the baby and eat more cookies. I only needed about 2 layers with final touch-ups to cover up the spots where the glitter seemed really thin. I left the shoes to dry until all of the Modge Podge turned clear, and then applied a thin layer of all purpose sealer (I don’t really know what this does. I just saw it next to the Modge Podge and thought it would be a good idea) to sit overnight.

Voila! The shoes were kind of stiff and scratchy around the edges because of my awful Modge Podge skills, so I may take a file to sand the edges down. The glitter left a rough surface but I kind of liked that, since I think it made it sparkle more. And also, I accept the fact that I am not 100% perfect so if anyone expected me to create a silky smooth layer of Modge Podge glitter can go punch themselves in the face.

But this was really fun! I can’t wait to Modge Podge glitter onto other things. Here’s what I’m planning to coat with 2.5 layers of glitter  when no one is looking:

• Xbox 360
• PlayStation 3
• B’s running shoes
• B’s iPhone 4
• Kitchen cabinets
• My car
• My nephew

These are my dad’s shoes. I don’t know why he put these bows on them but he thinks they’re cool and they’re for men. That’s what he said when I asked him. My mom even prayed at the temple for him to take them off, but he argued that it allows him to see and find his shoes better. Ugh.

Remember when I said I was going to make it my new life goal to buy myself a pair of Louboutins? Well, I’m nixing that idea…or at least, one of the shoes I want. The pink and gold ones look fabulous here but then I saw the following and kind of wanted to throw up…not because if the size but because even if they’re super awesome design wise, they’re not necessarily the most flattering on cankles (which I have).

You can see why for yourself after the jump.

*reality check sigh*

So back in 2008, I proclaimed that my life goal was to save up enough money to buy myself a lovely Miu Miu bag. Seeing as how I kind of forgot about that goal and that I think that style is discontinued, I’m giving myself a new life goal: buying myself a pair of Louboutins.

LISTEN. I know. They’re really overpriced for a pair of shoes. But here’s the thing: I’ve lusted after these shoes for over 5 years now, way before everyone copied the red soles and Jennifer Lopez made some dumb song about them. Seriously, why would you name a song after a product name? Okay, so one exception would be the Suicide Machines because pop punks still rock out with the Vans shoes, right? And at least their song is about the actual shoes and not some lame relationship.

ANYWAY. I remember talking about them to my old bosses and they (who would always critique my daily outfits, which is when I learned you never mix brown with black) had no idea what I was talking about. I’m gonna buy a pair of these shoes. Somehow. Without B noticing (until I hobble around the apartment in them and/or shove them in his face).

It’s good to have a goal in your life, right?

I present to you on this lovely Wednesday morning…the world’s ugliest and most disgusting looking shoes ever.

I first saw these in person at the Hollywood DSW and immediately sent a picture of it to my sister (after throwing up). I’m glad to see they’re also available online.

Ughhhh, look at that. Who in their right mind would think that this design would be appealing? Not only is the colour completely hideous, but it’s also made out of this plasticy stretchy material. I mean, does anyone really want to look like they just walked through a meadow of yucky swamp slime? Even worse, people around you could think you have some weird foot fungus growth. Or that you’re a hobbit (because hobbits don’t wear shoes, REMEMBER?).

UGGHHH I hate holey things, too. They gross me out. LOOK AT THOSE HOLES.