the hills

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Happy Cinco De Mayo!

May 5, 2010 in Thoughts by Moye | 3 comments

I was never one to celebrate Cinco De Mayo because it always seemed like an excuse for non-Mexicans to relive their old Spring Break days in Cabo for one night but I guess they think a little differently in the office. They gave us free chips and salsa (but no guacamole?!) and a live mariachi band came by to serenade us. Pretty awesome! But not as awesome as this guacamole video which makes me never want to eat guacamole again.

You know what’s not awesome? The fact that I don’t get this video:

Does that make me stupid? Oh well. You know what’s not stupid? I’m a guest blogger over at Here’s The Problem where I just write about all the problems that happen on this season of The Hills. See? I have a valid reason to watch the hills. I’m doing it FOR MY FRIENDS.

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Shhh…The Hills Are Back!

April 28, 2010 in Celebrity, omg by Moye | 1 comment

Tuesday nights are a mess for me. Not only is both Lost and Glee on, but now The Hills have started back up again and yes, I am admitting that I am back as an avid viewer. I know, this makes me hate myself. It’s one thing to set goals for yourself and fail to accomplish them, but it’s a whole ‘nother realm when you set a goal for yourself, accomplish it with such pride and then succumb back to the temptations of vapid Hollywood 20-somethings.

And honestly, it was the first 5 minutes of the last night’s episode that did it for me. I’m over Kristin Cavallari’s weird Valley girl accent, but watching Lo try to explain to Stephanie Pratt about what exactly Heidi did to her face was enough to seal the deal for me. It was like the producers were sending us a message: THIS IS IT, FOLKS. Can these characters get any more ridiculous? Yes. Heidi has completely plasticized her face and we’re going to prolong her discomfort as much as possible by refusing to reveal her face until the last moment, and then make her eat a hamburger. Amazing!

Apologies to B for picking up this dirty habit again, but I promise that this is the final season and after this, I will be able to move on with my life…to Pretty Wild. Am I the only one that watches this trainwreck?

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Heidi Montag: Gross Then and Gross Now

April 21, 2010 in Thoughts by Moye | No comments

I know I mentioned it earlier, but the final season of The Hills starts in less than a week and though I promised myself to never watch another episode again, I feel like I have to witness the grotesque transformation of poor Heidi Montag. They don’t even look like the same person.

I mean, look at this. The picture on the left is from Season 1 in 2006, and the right is her new promotional photo for the upcoming episodes. Can you believe that? Okay, yeah, maybe she needed the boob job. The only similarity between the two photos (aside from the dress) is that Heidi, both then and now, is unattractive. At least you could blame bad lighting and photography for how she looks in 2006, but the one on the right? I thought plastic surgery was supposed to improve your face. What a pity.

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It’s Finally Ending

March 30, 2010 in Celebrity by Moye | 1 comment

I’m like THISCLOSE to tuning in for the final season of The Hills. The show feels like an old friend to me, one who provided so much fun, so many quotes (HE IS A SUCKY PERSON!), so many office discussions and so many internal debates on whether or not I should be thinner/dress better/etc.

Oh, Lauren. You made a smart move to leave the show but I’m hoping you make one final return to say goodbye. Also, I don’t know what’s scarier: Heidi trying to smile at her mom or Heidi trying to cry. Her poor face.

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My Unbreakable Vow

October 2, 2009 in Thoughts by Moye | No comments

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I did it. Yesterday, I made an unbreakable vow (nerd alert). I promise to never watch another episode of The Hills again.

Do you know how big of a deal this is for me? I’ve watched this show from the very beginning, and yes, I’m including Laguna Beach in that. But with the departure of Lauren Conrad, I’ve lost interest in the rest of the characters. She may be lacking in personality, but her mundane-ness and her weird thing where she sounds like she has a bad cold every time she got mad made her and her little friend adventures more interesting. LC was boring but that only made everyone relate to her in some way. She was the plain heroine who did no wrong–just the wrong things happened to her. So of course we wanted her to have the best!

I didn’t realize the extend of my disinterest until yesterday when I realized I had missed the return of Season 5 with Kristin Cavallari as the villain. I loved her on Laguna Beach, but now you can totally see the outgrown Hollywood look on her. Before, her wealth just made you want to envy her; now, it only reminds you that this aspiring actress has nothing else going for her.

Also, Audrina, Lo,  Stephanie and Heidi have never seemed so awkward and fake in their scenes together. Has it always been like this? I think LC was the missing link between them; she was genuinely friends with all four of them but without her, their conversations seem so forced. I can’t even begin to imagine…wait, you know what? I’ll just stop talking about it. It’s over.

Goodbye, Hills. It’s been swell. You’ve inspired me in so many ways, like how to eat more donuts because I know that I’ll never look as good as those girls and how to hate my own hometown. I’m moving on. I haven’t yet picked a new reality show to obsess over  but you’ll probably read all about it here very soon.

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Audrina & Carl's Jr

June 23, 2009 in Celebrity, Thoughts by Moye | No comments

There is no way in hell that Audrina from The Hills is now on the same ranks as Padma Lakshmi as hot celebrities endorsing Carl’s Jr. This is just wrong.

Also, I used to think it was the editing on The Hills that made her sound vapid and dumb, but I guess if it comes across like that on a national commercial…there’s nothing you can do.

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NYC Prep For Fugs

June 8, 2009 in Celebrity, Thoughts by Moye | No comments

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Alright. Now I know why I like California so much. People here are much prettier.

How so? I finally caught up with the preview episode of Bravo’s NYC Prep, which I know is supposed to be the reality version of Gossip Girl, but seriously, who did the casting for this show? Did they visit the short bus first? These kids (aside from one girl) are hideous. HIDEOUS.

Alright, I’m being mean but look at them. LOOK AT THEM. The third girl form the left? Her head never fully recovered from passing through her mom’s uterus. And the second girl from the right? I think she was supposed to be a boy. And her face is smaller than her head (does that make sense)? See, this is why the rich stay rich: cause they all marry each other and create inbred looking kids like this. It’s the 21st century version of Deliverance, set in the Upper East Side.

Am I a horrible person for saying this? No, because their behavior on the show is just atrocious. They think they’re hot shit with all their money and fake IDs when they’re clearly not. They say love makes you blind, but I think the black AMEX makes you see even worse.

So how come the girls and guys on Laguna Beach and The Hills were so much prettier? I mean, the shows are based on the same situation: privileged high school classmates. And they were so pretty. Kristin Cavallari is just as bitchy as that ginger haired girl with the wonky eyes, but at least she doesn’t make your stomach churn. Maybe because we’re just naturally better looking on this coast. Yeah, that’s it.

Los Angeles: 1 New York: -500,000

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Reality Proposal

May 19, 2009 in Celebrity, Thoughts by Moye | No comments

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I understand that The Hills is the farthest thing from reality television, but I still like to watch and pretend that it’s real. Admit it, the show is filmed in a cool way, everyone (except for Spencer) is pretty and I always like to see how many more layers of make-up these young girls can slather on their skin for each new episode. I always commend the editors to make the shenanigans look real enough, even if you can tell when conversations are pieced together from different times, but last night was just lame.

If you’re going to set up Spencer’s “surprise” proposal to Heidi, don’t include a shot of Heidi talking about why they shouldn’t get married WHILE ALREADY WEARING THE ENGAGEMENT RING before cutting to a shot when he finally pulls out the canary yellow diamond for her.

This ring was huge enough to catch my eye while Heidi idiotically wavesd her hand around, which had me all confused because it clearly shows that she’s already wearing an engagement ring before Spencer “proposes”?

Then again, I hate it when people like to point out how fake this show is. So STFU, me.

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LC = RACHEL ZOE

February 23, 2009 in Celebrity, Thoughts by Moye | 9 comments

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I don’t understand why Lauren Conrad already has so many wrinkles around her eyes. I’m like 5 years older than her but I’m 100% certain that I–or any of my friends–have crow’s feet. It’s even noticeable when you watch her show.

So I bet she’s gonna look like this in less than 10 years.

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Snoozing In The City

January 7, 2009 in Celebrity, Thoughts by Moye | No comments

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Okay. I said I would watch it (to anyone who would listen) and I finally watched it and I almost fell asleep. The City is horrible. Whitney, you may have been the hottest girl on The Hills but we all knew from the beginning that you had the least amount of personality. Hell, even Spencer–as hideous as his gross beards are–manages to make me clench my fists whenever he appears on screen.

But your new adventure in New York? Oh my god. I couldn’t keep my eyes ON the screen. Even the yummy food I brought to accompany me amused me more than you. And the fact that I spent most of the time googling “Olivia Palermo” instead of watching you talking about how fantastic everything is…that’s not a good sign.

I miss Lauren and her hoarse voice.

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