There are numerous things that make my roll my eyes. Like, when people talk about how much they love Pinkberry (have you heard of it?) or when you give out your email address, people ask you if it’s “all one word.” Of course it’s all one word. You can’t have spaces in email addresses. Go ahead and try, you idiot.
And then there are brides. Not weddings or marriage in general, just brides. And not just brides in general, but those bridezillas who pour their blood, sweat and tears into one, single day, and then suffer an anxiety attack when the parents of their 3 year old nephew turn down the offer to be their ring-bearer.
It was fun when my sister was getting hitched, because it was FINALLY HAPPENING and I GOT TO WEAR A PRETTY DRESS but afterwards, I had to delete all my RSS feeds to wedding related websites because it was making me puke. Spending over a grand on custom designed letterpress invitations? And then spending another two grand on flowers specifically arranged in your wedding colors of coffee (NOT CHOCOLATE) and mauve (NOT PURPLE)? All for one day? No thanks.
Especially the WeddingBee, which was cutesy at first but is so completely estrogen filled and grosses me out that it makes me wonder if I have a penis. Check out the 14 dresses I’ve tried on, complete with photographs of me in different poses! Look at my Save the Dates! Look at my Gocco-machine printed custom Valentine’s Day Cards that I’m sending out to my wedding guests as an extra surprise, even though they don’t really care! This is so exciting!
So Morgana, who’s actually getting married very soon (yay!), shared with me this amazing post from WeddingBee that makes me want to punch a baby:
I spent Sunday looking around on different websites, mainly local photographers, because I love to get ideas of locations around town for photos. While browsing one site, I saw another bride with my dress on.
I understand that I’m not the only one who will own this dress but this is the second bride in Dallas that I’ve seen wearing it in photos since I bought it (aside from it also being in a local wedding magazine). It just makes it feel unspecial to me now. (link)
Quick, someone call the waahmbulance. A girl has her feelings hurt because she’s realizing that other women are also wearing her mass-produced wedding dress.
Hey, lady. When you find yourself butthurt over something as insignificant (in the grand scheme of the universe) as a white dress you are will wear only once, then take a deep breathe, step away from the computer and find something useful to give back to humanity.
For example, my simple presence in the office is how I give back to the world. That’s how awesome and wonderful I am. I may be mean and spiteful for posting this, but at least I am useful.
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