I’ve been a fan of Gloria for ages, but her latest make-up tutorial inspired by Natalie Portman in Black Swan just made my Tuesday a whole lot better.

#5 – “What? No!” scene from The Happening

The only time I liked Mark Wahlberg acting was in Boogie Nights but that was because his role required him to act like an idiot. This is probably why I’m never going to watch The Fighter.

#4 – Kid Pool Jump Fail

This was probably the first video online I would watch on a loop, back in 2003. I bet that kid is like 45 now.

#3 – Dancing Ponies

Am I the only one in the world who thinks dancing horses are the most ridiculous things ever? I can do a pretty good imitation of them, too. Just ask.

#2 – I Like Turtles

Need I say more?

#1 – Grape Stomp Lady

This was the number one pick for everyone. If you’ve never seen this video before or don’t think it’s hilarious, then let me know so I can delete you from my friends list.

Yeah, basically. I’ve been watching this video nonstop since Friday, and it looks like I’m gonna keep watching this for another week or so.

OH MAN. This song was my JAM back in the day. And I don’t mean jam like fruit preserves, but jam like this song embodied my whole high school experience of teen angst over feeling caged by your parents and societal rules and all you want to do is break away and give the whole world the finger. Except, replace that caged feeling with just worrying over your college applications, feeling sad because you don’t know any boys in real life and knowing that trying to flip off the entire city (or county) of Los Angeles would be a long drive stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the 405.

Still, this song brings back such memories. Remember when liking this band was the coolest thing ever? And remember two years ago, you were hanging out with your then-boyfriend’s younger cousins who were still in middle school and thought the Smashing Pumpkins were a new band, because they had just dropped that godawful single? And then remember how old you felt, as you shook your wrinkly fist angrily in their faces about the highlights of post-grunge rock in the late 90′s and then hobbled away, looking for your walker with the tennis balls stuck on the posts? Yeah, I remember that.

If this is what being 29 is like, 30 is gonna blow. Whatever happened to James Iha?

Um, can we just stop and talk about this commercial please? I’ve been watching it daily and the same thought comes across my teeny, tiny brain. At the 0:19 mark, the girl wipes her freckles off and blows them onto another girl. LIKE THAT IS SO GROSS. It looks like she’s wiping the sweat off her face and then spraying her dance partner with it, who for some reason looks ecstatic.

Also, I understand the whole idea behind the ad, which is crazy mixing and matching…but why the hell would you want to exchange your clusters of melanin with other people? It’s almost like swapping moles with someone. Yuck. Keep your freckles off of me.

I have freckles, too, but these suckers are staying with me. Unfortunately. Actually, who wants them? I’ll spray them all over your face at some sweaty party where the music comes from a video game? (Btw, why would you even deejay a party with that game? That’s like serenading someone’s wedding reception with Rock Band, complete with the loud plastic tapping of the guitars and fake drums. I dun get it.)

Yup, that’s pretty much it.

For some reason, everyone is super stoked about Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Inception. I think it looks interesting, Joseph Gordon Levitt is really cute and the score they use in trailer should be my new ringtone. On the other hand, I still don’t really understand what it’s about and it looks like they float around in rooms a lot or something.

So yeah. This is probably the best movie trailer mash-up video I’ve ever seen. I’ve got nothing else.

I still don’t have an Iron Man 2 Deluxe Helmet but now I REALLY WANT ONE so I can make videos like this!!!!!

There’s a Nike store near the apartment in Tokyo, and I only noticed it because they had a giant rubber model of the Nike Free Run sole hanging from the ceiling to display it’s bendable qualities. I never gave it much thought (except OMG GIANT SNEAKER!!!) until I came across this video of Japanese breakbeat duo Hifana hooking up audio sensors to the shoes and creating this awesome music video.

Speaking of running, this was my first time in Japan that I noticed so many runners around Tokyo. The Kaigakan track was across the street from our hotel, which I thought was a feature that most cities should provide–can you imagine a sidewalk designed to be a running track for the public to use??–and almost hourly were groups of runners, making their laps around the circle. Japanese runners go all out, too. We didn’t see regular people dressed in messy shorts and old t-shirts trying to exercise those love handles off. They were decked out in lycra pants, water bottles and even backpacks. Backpacks. If I had to run with a backpack, I’d make sure it was stuffed with tissues I could use as I sobbed my way around. Sometimes we’d even see the same runners twice during our walks around, because that’s how slow we were. They’d run a quarter of a mile in the same span that we’d walk a block. Insane.

I’m going to go eat some Cheetos now.